well you can't waste a boner
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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