dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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