kristin has been a bad kristin
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
