I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
