he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
