she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
