oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
