My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
