I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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