if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
