Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
