You're my little dorito
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
