You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
