so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize