Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I have fence marks all over my body
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i think i just naturally attract stoners
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
