I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
