Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize