just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
