Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
