Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
