If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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