hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
