Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
