Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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