I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
