I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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