textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
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