and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
