Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Girls should come with a carfax report
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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