Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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