so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
