I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
