I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
