i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
There's always time for handjobs
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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