you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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