Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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