You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
