meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
