No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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