guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
