I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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