Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
