i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
