doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
