I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
