dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize