there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I believe in your delicious
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
