whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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