I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
