Its about making memories worth repressing
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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