____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
