I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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