i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
