You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
