I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
