he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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