When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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