why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You made out with two different species that night
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
