ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
