Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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