Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize