So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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