I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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