i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
