Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
should my penis look like a turkey
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
