So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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