She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
