Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize