he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Randomize
