remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
