So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize