if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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