Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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