omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
