oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
