Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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