Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
