Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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