The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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