just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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