In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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