He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
