This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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