Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
