I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
