At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
