Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
