This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
