You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
