she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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