Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
