We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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