THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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