apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
