His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I wish you could order shots online.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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