She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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