It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
