yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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