I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
