is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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