he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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