Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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