Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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