May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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