You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
