All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
