so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
