We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize